Forgiveness doesn’t journal Alice sped into my (Rich’s) office carrying a Starbuck’s and a notebook. After exchanging pleasantries, I asked how I could help. She opened a journal in which she had documented, in great detail, her husband’s faults. After twenty minutes, I interrupted. “Alice, why are you here?” “I want to solve the problems in my marriage,” she said, surprised. “Will you talk to Sam for me?” “Probably later, but the first step doesn’t involve him.” “Doesn’t involve him? Pastor, you haven’t heard a word I’ve been saying … he’s the problem!” “Alice, right now, you are the problem.” Over the next hour, we talked about forgiveness. Yes, Sam was a jerk and, yes, he needed to change, but there was little hope without her willingness to forgive. The “jerk journals” documented his sins—and hers. Forgiveness – the unfair act of letting go The Bible commands forgiveness. The Apostle Paul wrote to the church of Ephesus, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). It’s hard to imagine anyone forgiving the way Christ forgave without having experienced God’s forgiveness in Christ. When we accept this forgiveness, understanding how much we did not deserve it, we begin to understand how to forgive others. We understand that forgiveness is not based on being worthy. Forgiveness is up to us Like so many of us, Alice was waiting for her husband to change before she forgave him. Forgiveness was not about him, however; it was about her. It is a mistake to think that forgiveness is based on the other person confessing with every nonverbal indication of deep remorse. It is a mistake to think that forgiveness is based on the other person suffering “enough.” Forgiveness is not about the offender. It’s about the person wronged. Alice never forgave, and her unwillingness led to a bitterness that blasted a cold chill through any warmth Sam tried to kindle. Their marriage lasted until the last child left for college. Alice filed for divorce and moved to another state. One of the reasons Alice never forgave her husband is because forgiveness is not natural to us. It seems so unfair. Forgiveness is not a pardon Forgiveness doesn’t erase the debt we owe. We might forgive a criminal, but that doesn’t mean a judge will take away the consequences. Forgiveness frees us to live in peace while it places the offender in the hands of a sovereign God. Forgiveness is not forgetting I (Marty) met with a husband who discovered that his wife was bulimic. He uncovered the problem by keeping a record of her excuses for missing meals, for calling in sick to work, for her reoccurring irritableness, as well as unusual (binge-type) food purchases on her credit statements. By piecing together these events, he was able to identify a pattern that led him to the possibility that his wife was struggling with an eating disorder. The records he kept are gone now, but if each time he forgave her he had completely forgotten about the offense, he might have missed helping her. Although we may forget an offense, forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is letting God act One of the unique characteristics of Christianity is the belief that God is in control. We believe that he sees everything and doesn’t miss the bad things that others do to us. Because we believe this, we are able to move away from revenge. Christians are cautioned not to “get even” as the world might. The Bible teaches that revenge is not an option. God will right all the wrongs. Trust him to do it. God sees the heart and motives, and his justice is always fair. One of the reasons we can forgive is because we have faith that God is a better judge than we could ever be. Forgiveness frees us We will never be able to find compassion and kindness in our hearts towards those who have wronged us until we let the grievance go. Once we let it go, a burden is lifted and we begin to experience life again. One of the reasons Alice had stopped living was because she was tethered by the burden of years of abuse. The abuse had become an anchor holding her fast in the breakwater of bitterness. If she would have forgiven her husband, she would have experienced the freedom to love again. Even if her marriage eventually wrecked, she could have experienced some degree of respite and vibrancy. Forgiveness is the scent the rose leaves on the heel that crushes it.” ~ John Arnott Forgiving is not the same as trusting If a person borrows your car and has an accident which destroys the car, you can forgive him. The next time he asks to borrow the car, because you have forgiven him, you can still hand him the keys. If he has another accident, you can forgive him, but you probably will not give him the keys the next time he asks. Although he’s been forgiven, you no longer trust him. The first crash was an incident. The second was the beginning of a pattern. Once the pattern surfaced, your trust disappeared. Forgiveness is free. Trust is earned. If you are experiencing forgiveness issues in a relationship, let us suggest some action points. Don’t ignore the red flags If you asked Beth what she would have done differently in her relationship with Gene, she probably would have said, “I wouldn’t ignore all the clues about Gene’s unfaithfulness.” I (Rich) have a theory that says that if you ignore the red flags, they become banners. Don’t react, respond Beth could have reacted and divorced Gene immediately. Fortunately, she didn’t. She thought it through and asked him to move out instead. Had she not responded, Gene would have been tempted to continue to play his games (and with his track record, he probably would have yielded to temptation again). Reacting creates wounds that make resolution even more difficult. Don’t react (unless someone’s safety is at stake). Unpack the bag Some people carry the baggage of resentment and bitterness so long, they can’t unpack it. They’re miserable. There is only one solution: We forgive and forgive until we unpack the bag. Name it You can’t forgive something you can’t identify. It may be painful to admit how your trust was damaged, but you have to name it to forgive it. After Christmas, I (Marty) met with a young husband who, for three years, would not name the offense that affected his relationship with his wife. This January, when he named it (FYI “flirtation”) he was startled to discover a deep insecurity his wife had carried for the same number of years. As he named and forgave the offense, he began to work on her insecurity (romantic gifts, walks, dinners and talks). Today, the flirtation is gone – unless you count her actions toward him! Admit your part Many spouses of alcoholics admit later that they enabled the drinking. What is your part in the damaged trust? Give it to God An authentic plea will bring God’s assistance and power. Those prayers followed by obedience – by, in this case, forgiveness – bring His special blessing. Throw it away I (Rich) ask people to write the offense down and throw it in the garbage can. “Now it’s gone,” I explain. “Stay out of the garbage.” (Of course, if your Jerk Journal is already written out like Alice’s, you should trash it, too.) Trade in your thoughts The Apostle Paul told the church in Philippi to think about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable (Philippians 4:8). Trade your bitterness and any negative thoughts for these thoughts. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~ Paul Boese Because Jerk Journals are the easiest books to write (and we’re all equipped to write them), understanding and sharing forgiveness are essential for a successful marriage.
The world will witness the longest total lunar eclipse today since 2000. Totality, the event where Earth’s shadow completely covers the moon, will last for about an hour and 41 minutes.
The dramatic event will see the moon changing colours and turning blood red.
Viewers outside of North America will be able to see the lunar eclipse, while the Europeans will miss the early stages of the event.
What is a lunar eclipse?
A lunar eclipse occurs when Earth lines up directly between the sun and the moon, blocking the sun's rays and casting a shadow on the moon. As the moon moves deeper and deeper into Earth's shadow, the moon changes colour before your very eyes, turning from gray to an orange or deep shade of red.
Why does the moon turn blood red?
The moon takes on this new colour because indirect sunlight is still able to pass through Earth's atmosphere and cast a glow on the moon. Our atmosphere filters out most of the blue coloured light, leaving the red and orange hues that we see during a lunar eclipse. Extra particles in the atmosphere, from say a recent volcanic eruption, will cause the moon to appear a darker shade of red.
Can the lunar eclipse be seen directly with naked eyes?
Unlike solar eclipses, lunar eclipses are perfectly safe to view without any special glasses or equipment.
藉口
「嚴以律人，寬以待己」，這是很多人的通病，因此每當見到別人犯錯時，總是聲色俱厲的指責對方不是，而當自己有了過失，卻往往找來很多藉口搪塞、脫罪。
藉口通常用於為自己的過錯或不當行為辯解，例如自己無法兌現諾言時，就說是時間不夠，或是因緣不具。有時候客人來訪，自己不想和他見面，就以生病或是謊稱外出為藉口，拒不見面。
1937年日本發動蘆溝橋事變，藉口走失一位日本兵，要到中國的營房檢查，被中國軍隊拒絕，因此掀起中日戰爭；三國時期，孫權藉口招劉備為妹婿，希望趁機討回荊州，但最後孫權的計謀未能得逞，不但賠了夫人又折兵。
藉口就是找個理由為自己的行為卸責、脫罪，但是能否成功，就看個人的本領了。至於人經常為那些原因找藉口呢？
一、掩飾錯誤，要找藉口：家裡請客，先生交代要用上好的菜餚待客，但是太太忘記了日期，事前沒有採買備辦，只有藉口說：今天市場沒有賣菜，只好在冰箱裡找些備用的菜色來將就了。用這種理由，既可掩飾自己待客不周的失禮，又能為自己的錯誤找到台階下。
二、消除尷尬，要找藉口：出席會議遲到了，覺得不好意思，只得找個藉口說「路上交通堵塞」，意即遲到並非我不守時，而是交通問題所造成，是不得已的事。在朋友聚會的場合，不期然遇到了一個已經交惡的朋友，為免尷尬，只有藉口臨時有事，匆匆離去。
三、自我原諒，要找藉口：年輕人立志要發憤讀書，發願要好好做一番大事，但是讀書時不想讀，做事時不想做，還說：今天天氣太熱了，等到明天涼快一些再說。本來今天要到三十里外去拜訪一位客戶，但是懶得走路，就說：今天所穿的鞋子不適合長途跋涉，等明天換一雙鞋子再去。人總是為自己找藉口，今天不能，還有明天，此時不能，還有其他時候，藉口多了，很多事就難以成辦。
四、緩和氣氛，要找藉口：大家正興高采烈的在談話，忽然碰觸到敏感的政治話題，眼看著政黨立場不同的朋友即將翻臉，這時旁邊機警的人趕快改變話題，或是乾脆藉口今天有事，聚會到此結束，改日擇期再聚，藉以緩和緊繃的氣氛。
五、製造事端，要找藉口：鄰居相處失和，一直想找個機會表達自己的不滿，這時就得找個藉口，譬如說：你家的污水經常流到我家的水溝來、你家的樹葉經常飛落到我家的庭院裡、你家的孩子打我家的狗、我家的雞在你家下蛋……等等。如此不一而足的藉口，大興問罪之師，焉能不起糾紛。
一般人找藉口都是為自己的錯誤辯解，這樣的藉口只會害了自己，還是少用為好。但是有的父母希望兒女用功讀書，努力上進，也會機巧的利用種種藉口，給予鼓勵。例如告訴兒女：只要你考取托福留學，這個暑假就讓你出國旅遊。或說，只要你把菸酒的壞習慣戒掉，就准許你與要好的同學交往。父母能如此善巧的引導兒女，這就是「藉口」的妙用。
作者：佛光山 星雲大師
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